Confession
by Arraya
Summary: Set during the journey from World's End to Shipwreck Cove, before Elizabeth joined Sao Feng on The Empress. JE. Things that I wish had been said by Elizabeth to Jack.


SET: During AWE, the night they returned from World's End. J/E. I mostly wanted to write this as a way for Jack and Elizabeth to have had a moment before she had to stay faithful to Will for ten years. (If that even still applies, what with what was on the AWE DVD about Will be being bound FOREVER to the Dutchman.) I wanted this to be as if it could have been a missing scene, without affecting anything else that actually happened in AWE. Also, it just seriously bugs me how things that should have been said between certain people were not said, and so, this. Although this is probably not what would have been said if things were said between said people. Sorry about that. I swear it was an accident. This is the first non-silly thing I've finished.

Confession

Two days into the journey to Shipwreck Cove from World's End, and as exhausted as she was, Elizabeth could not fall asleep. She stayed above while the other men, including Will, slept below deck in their hammocks. She lay next to the rail, using her blanket as a pillow and her coat as a blanket. Her heart felt no lighter after bringing Jack back from the locker. Everything was a mess. She no longer cared what happened. Her father was gone, she knew Jack hated her, and Will was most likely lost to her as well, if their interactions with each other these past weeks were any indication. She wanted to make things right, she just couldn't make the words come, had no idea how to start explaining anything. Her thoughts were a giant jumble in her brain, and she was unable to organize any into coherent sentences. So she sat all day on the steps not speaking to anyone. When Will confronted her below with leaving Jack to the Kraken, she thought he had already known what she had done, and thought her a monster for her actions, that being the reason for the coldness between them. But no, he had thought she loved Jack. She fled rather than deny it, because she herself thought she might have. Well, she thought now, gazing up at the stars, It doesn't matter any more. We will fight this battle that must be fought, and most of us will likely die. She found she didn't really care. For herself, anyway. She hoped the people she cared for remained unhurt. Will, Gibbs, Mr. Cotton, and Jack. The rest of them could bugger off to hell. She gave up trying to sleep and sat up, sticking her legs between the rails and letting them dangle. Her thoughts were never going to let her rest. She failed to hear the footsteps behind her, and gasped when a hand encircled her wrist and yanked her to her feet. She spun around to face...Jack.

"Ow!" She tried to yank her wrist free, but he held tight.

"How fortuitous that I come upon my cold-hearted murderess all by her onesies," Jack smiled a cold smile at her. "Maybe now would be the opportune moment to take my revenge? You do know what the code says about killing your Captain"  
Elizabeth stopped trying to wriggle her wrist free of his grip. "But we came to get you back, you are here now." She whispered, keeping her gaze fixed on the hand gripping her wrist quite painfully.

"Oh, and that makes it all better, doesn't it?" He mocked her sarcastically. "Maybe I should bind your hands and feet and toss you overboard. It certainly won't be as painful as giant teeth ripping you apart, or last as long as going mad in the head for weeks in the Locker, but the two or three minutes it takes to die will seem like an eternity to you." He laughed coldly. "But with my luck, you'd probably find some way to miraculously survive."

With her free hand, she grabbed his pistol from his sash, and turned it, pressing the butt of it into Jack's free hand. His other let go of her wrist in surprise as she stepped closer until the pistol was pressing against her heart. She looked into his eyes for the first time since they had seen her father and he told her they were not back. "Let me help you make sure then, Captain Sparrow, that I do not survive. Do what you need to do to have your revenge. I care not." All of the thoughts that had been a ball of confusion in her mind came together, and the words would not stop now. "You have no idea, Captain Sparrow, how it feels to have killed someone you love. To know other lives have been ruined for selfish actions. If this is the cost of freedom and adventure, bugger it to bloody hell! I don't want any part of it! My father is dead because of me, I dragged Will into this mess, and I have ruined whatever was and what might have been between you and I. That hurts more than I can bear." Her voice never wavered and her expression never changed, but tears streamed silently down her face and dripped from her chin. "It never stops hurting, there is no relief, so please hurry it along, Captain, and be rid of me however you see fit." She closed her eyes and waited for whatever was to come. She opened them when she felt the pistol leave her chest a few moments later. She watched him tuck it back into his sash.

"Come on." Jack again took her wrist, pulling her not unkindly towards his cabin. She knew not what he had planned for her, but would accept whatever she deserved without a fight.

He locked the door once they were inside, and gestured to a chair that sat a few feet across from his bunk. "Sit", he commanded, and walked over to a cabinet, withdrawing a bottle of rum and two small glasses, which he set on the table next to her. He poured the glasses full of the rum, and handed her one without looking at her. He downed his in one drink and refilled it. When he looked over he saw Elizabeth had done the same, and filled her glass again also. He sat in the chair across from her, still thinking on what she had said to him. He waited, and they both sipped on the rum. He realized she was not going to say anything further, so he started speaking quietly. "I imagined you would have been laughing to yourself about my death, and proud of what you had done."

Elizabeth looked up in disbelief. "That pains me more than you could ever know, Jack. Nothing could be further from the truth. But I suppose you wouldn't have reason to think me any different. Neither of us really knew the other, and it's not as if we were ever really our true selves around each other. " She whispered, "I never wanted things to turn out this way. I wish none of this had ever happened, any of it. I wish you hadn't been in Port Royal when I fell off of the battlement three years ago. I would take it all back, every minute since that day! Then I'd never have known how it feels to have my heart torn between two men, two different lives, neither of which I could have! I'm not meant to be a pirate, I don't have what it takes to 'act on selfish impulse, do what I want because I want it!' Because that would mean hurting Will. I couldn't pay that price for freedom. Yet after you came into my life, I was no longer content with what my life was before. Everything happened in such a blur from the time Will and I were arrested. The only time I forgot everything and felt safe was with you, on The Pearl, the journey to Isla Cruces. Those were the times I actually considered...doing what I longed to do...but when my head would clear for a few moments, I knew that I'd be giving my heart to a man who wanted only to bed me. So when the time came, I foolishly thought that if you were gone, I could move on and things would go back to the way they were before. But as soon as I stepped down into the longboat, I knew I had made the most grievous mistake of my life. Nothing had changed, except you were gone, and I felt a thousand times worse." She reached for the rum bottle, then hesitated, looking to Jack. He pushed it towards her silently, letting her know it was all right. She ignored her glass, lifting the bottle to her lips and drinking deeply. She handed it back over and Jack did the same, then refilled both of their glasses. "Both of the men I love now hate me, with good reason. Will sees through me, sees what I feel for you, and you, well, here we are now, you ready to take your revenge upon me, but I assure you, Captain Sparrow, it would be far worse to let me live with myself than to put an end to my misery. But if it works for you, have at me."

Jack was stunned. He never expected this, this confession from her. Stubborn justification for her actions, maybe, but not a declaration of love. No, he would not have expected this, not from her, not in a million years. He could no longer find his anger. He silently reached across the table and wiped the tear that had stopped halfway down her cheek. She looked at him, and he couldn't hold her gaze, it was full of such misery and hopelessness. He picked up his glass and nodded at hers, indicating she do the same. They both emptied their glasses, and Jack stood. "Elizabeth, I don't hate you." He sighed. "I will try to help you put things right with Will. I am fairly certain he doesn't hate you either. I don't think he could if he tried," he said dryly.

"And what of the part of my heart that belongs to you?" She didn't meet his eyes, instead reached again for the rum bottle, looking in surprise at the little that was left of it. She didn't realize they had almost drank the entire bottle. Oh well, she thought, and finished the last couple of inches of the liquid, grimacing as it burned her throat.

Jack raised an eyebrow as she set the empty bottle down on the table. "Why is it when you are around, the rum is always gone?" He lightly jested, smiling. Avoiding her question, and she knew it. She took it to mean she was correct in thinking he felt nothing for her, save lust. If even that, anymore. He went into the same cabinet and pulled out a second bottle. He turned around to find her standing. She took three slow steps, closing the space between them. Taking the bottle from his hands, she opened it and again took a long swallow. She handed it back and said grimly, "Will may never forgive me, or feel for me what he did before, and we may very well all die in the battle against Beckett anyway."

"I don't plan on dying again so soon, love." He smirked, setting the rum back on the table. Elizabeth wondered if he had some crazy scheme planned out. Probably not, she thought wryly. From what she did know about him, she gathered he relied on luck and last-minute actions.

"And I don't plan on dying without first finding out what it tastes like." She boldly moved until they were only a couple of inches apart, and slid her blue robe-like shirt off of her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor, praying he would not humiliate her by refusing her. She needed this, to have a part of him, to keep for herself, no matter what the future brought. She put her fingers to the last three buttons that held the lower part of his shirt closed, and started unbuttoning, holding her breath for his protests. They didn't come. She placed her palms on his chest and let her hands slide down over his stomach. He sucked in his breath, and grabbed her hands. "Are you sure you want this, Elizabeth? There will be no going back once it's begun, nor undoing it once it's been done."

"I will not be sorry, and this time that will be the truth."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a kiss. He wondered briefly if this would be worse for the both of them, but especially for her. She was a confused young woman, whose world had fallen apart before her very eyes. He was sure she still did not know what she wanted for herself, for her life, and he didn't want to influence her decisions, even though he knew she belonged with him. She would have to figure that out on her own, if it was to happen. He knew he would do everything he could to keep her alive in the days to come. As for himself, he had no idea if it would be worse to not have her now, or have her only to lose her to Will later. Bugger it, he thought, it would be worse to never have had her at all. He deepened the kiss, steadily moving them towards his bed. He lay her down, and leaned over her to capture her nipple between his lips. She dug her fingernails into his shoulders and moaned. He kneeled with her legs in between his and unbuttoned her breeches, pulling them down her hips and wriggling them over her feet. He undid his next. Elizabeth watched, breathless, as he stood and stepped out of them. Beautiful, she thought as her eyes roamed over every inch of him, it can't possibly be right for a man to be this beautiful. He lay down next to her, tracing his tongue up her neck towards her ear while he caressed her breasts with one hand. "Jack..." She wiggled, trying to get closer, wanting more, wanting him, and he moved over her, kissing a trail down her stomach as he pushed her legs apart. "'Lizbeth..." He whispered, kissed lower, and ran his hand over the soft brown hair above her woman parts. He flicked his tongue over her nub and she cried out. She squirmed as he worked his tongue, clutching the pillow above her head, and moaning any half-coherent thought that formed in her head. "Oh!...this is...Oh! Jack...what... are you...doing to me...I want...I"  
Her legs tightened around his shoulders and waves of pleasure overtook her. He moved up and fitted himself between her thighs, looking into her half lidded eyes, smiling. Elizabeth pulled him down to her, she wanted to feel his warm body on hers. Jack slid himself inside her, and looked at her in surprise as she suddenly tensed, and winced. He froze, he hadn't even considered that she was still...that she hadn't yet..."I'm sorry," he breathed, "I didn't know, I didn't think..."

She smiled up at him, "Don't worry. I'm fine."

He captured her lips again, in a deep kiss that made both of their heads fuzzy, and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him into her farther. He pushed gently until he was buried in her all the way and began moving slowly. She matched his rhythm easily, naturally. The braids hanging from his chin tickled her shoulder, and she brushed them aside and alternated kissing his neck and biting softly. He groaned and moved faster. She grabbed his dreads in her fists and pulled them a bit. He moved even faster, then shuddered and collapsed on top of her. She rubbed her hands slowly over his back, both of them trying to catch their breath. She didn't even care that she could barely breathe under him, she didn't want him to move. He was so warm, his skin felt so good under her hands...but a moment later he rolled off of her to lay at her side. They lay there facing each other, not speaking, just looking, holding one another.

Yes, this will make things harder, Jack thought. He had no idea what Elizabeth was going to do now. He only knew he would not try to influence any of her decisions in any way. She had to choose her path by herself. He tried not to think about how he would feel if she decided to be with Will. He had no doubt the boy still wanted her, that wasn't an issue. But what did SHE want? He wondered as she snuggled into him further, slipping one leg in between his. Her eyes had closed, and he propped himself up on his elbow, and traced her cheek with his finger. "Where do you plan on sleeping?" He asked her softly.

"Do you want me to leave?" She asked casually, trying not to sound hurt.

I would never want you to leave, if it was my decision to make, he thought. Instead he said, "I have no problem with sharing my bed with you, but if you truly want to rekindle your love with Will, it probably wouldn't help for him to wake up and realize you are nowhere to be found. It also wouldn't take him very long to realize a certain Captain is also unaccounted for, and in the realizing of that, he will surely also realize the two said missing persons are together. He's not a dumb lad, that one. Just prone to doing something stupid once in a while." He smirked, remembering Will's past actions.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and snuggled close again, putting an arm across Jack's chest. "I'll only sleep for a little while, then I will go back to my spot on deck, and no-one will know anything happened between us."

Ahhhh, he thought. So that's how it was to be. How could she lay so content in his arms, and still want Will? Well, if that's what she truly wanted, he would try to keep his word about helping her to smooth things between them. "I swear on pain of death, love, that this never happened. The boy won't find out. You two will work things out if you truly wish to." he said casually.

Elizabeth did not dare repeat her earlier unanswered question. She knew the answer already, the things that he didn't say to her were as loud and clear an answer as if he had told he had no place in his life for a woman. She figured he was being kind by sparing her a condescending excuse such as 'I'm sorry, Darling, my only love is the sea.' She didn't expect anything more from him than what she had asked for this night. At least they were going to part on good terms, maybe even as friends. She would cherish this night in her memory. She would either work things out with Will, and if they couldn't, well, she would just have to make her own way in the world. She felt a heaviness leave her heart that had been there so long, she didn't remember what it felt like to not have it. She almost felt...a small bit of happiness. She finally drifted off to sleep, and she woke three hours later to go back out to the deck. She dressed quietly and before she left the cabin, she brushed her lips across his cheek. "I love you, Jack." She whispered. "A piece of my heart will always be yours"

Well. They never stop misunderstanding each other, do they?  
I am thinking of continuing this, post-AWE. Maybe I can get Jack to spill some beans as Elizabeth did in this. In a very-Jack way, of course. It was really tough to write the love-making scene. I have a really hard time with that. Seriously,I write smut with my eyes shut tight and my entire face red. Took me a long time to be able to READ that kind of stuff without blushing. Haha. I'd seriously like feedback to decide if I should do the POST-AWE continuation of this. I have a lot of ideas for it. Hit the purple button please! Thanks!


End file.
